The Secret
by Junebugsm
Summary: This is an alternate ending to the story INCONCEIVABLE where Lena never found out about the rape and Stef never told her. Instead, a few years later Callie accidentally comes across the papers and confronts Stef and Stef has to explain to her daughter how their circumstances were different and then explain why she kept the secret to her wife.
1. Chapter 1

**INCONCEIVABLE (Original Story)**

 **Stef, inconceivably cheats on Lena who catches her, and now Stef must figure out what happened that night and find a way to explain it to Lena.**

* * *

 **This is an alternate ending to the story INCONCEIVABLE where Lena never found out about the rape and Stef never told her. Instead, a few years later Callie accidentally comes across the papers and confronts Stef and Stef has to explain to her daughter how their circumstances were different and then explain why she kept the secret to her wife.**

(This idea just suddenly came to me thinking about how Stef and Callie would both deal with being raped. It's a two-shot - first the talk with Callie and then the one with Lena.)

* * *

Seven years had passed since the incident but it wasn't fully behind them. Stef had learned ages ago that Lena was never truly going to forgive her for what had happened. She hadn't left - she loved Stef too much but she still held it against her and Stef couldn't blame her - after all, Lena didn't know what really happened.

What had caused Stef to keep the secret, she would never know. She had just decided that this was a cross she had to bare because even though she hadn't chosen to cheat on Lena, she'd still put herself in the position to do so and had hurt Lena in the process and Lena had every right to be mad at her.

But today Stef wished she hadn't waited so long. Today she regretted keeping that secret because today the past would be dug up and they would be dragged through it all once again. If only she had gotten it done and over with then, then today would have been just another ordinary day.

* * *

Twenty-three year old Callie found herself sitting in the garage of her house she had grown to love, sorting through the numerous boxes that held so many memories. Her moms had decided to renovate since they no longer hand kids living at home and Callie, being the closest to home, offered to help.

She had finally gotten into the rhythm of sorting and things were moving along quicker when a thin, now brittle folder slipped off a shelf, scattering it's contents across the floor. Callie picked up the first sheet and glanced over it. She took no notice as she read about various date-rape drugs. Both her moms had jobs that required them to at least be aware of such things so having some information on it wasn't surprising. It was the second sheet that really caught Callie's eye for it wasn't just a random test. It was one that had her own mother's name on it and more importantly - it was positive.

* * *

"Mom." Callie said as she entered her moms bedroom to find Stef sorting though old winter clothes. She had waited two hours to finally get Stef alone when Lena went downstairs to get dinner started.

"What's up love?" Stef asked. "You all done?"

"Half way through." Callie answered, though she had a specific look on her face - a look that Stef hadn't seen in years - a look that said she was nervous.

"What's wrong?" Stef asked her daughter. Callie had grown immensely in the last seven years. She no longer doubted her mothers' love for her, her place in their family or her ability to share things with them no matter how nervous or worried she was. But today, Callie looked like the young girl fresh out of juvie that Stef had met in her kitchen.

For just a second Callie stood nervously before finally handing Stef the sheet of paper she'd studied over and over again in the last two hours. "What's this?" She asked.

Stef's face paled as she looked at the sheet. She'd forgotten that she'd hidden the folder between two boxes of Jesus' sports equipment - a place she knew Lena would never have reason to look through.

"Um..." Stef began, trying to find an answer. She was caught off guard and had no idea what to say.

But Callie said it for her. "You were raped." She stated. She didn't have to look at the date to know when this must have happened.

"Callie..." Stef began, trying to find the words to explain. But she had no idea what to say. She had assumed ages ago that no one would ever find out so she never even considered having to explain. And what was worse was she couldn't figure out what Callie was actually thinking. Was she nervous about talking to Stef or about the fact itself, how much should she tell her daughter exactly?.. The daughter that had been raped herself.

"Why didn't you ever tell her?" Callie asked. She knew instantly that Stef had kept it a secret. There was no way Lena would still be mad at her if she knew the truth. And knowing Stef, there's a good chance she tried to protect Lena from the truth.

"I wasn't looking for an excuse." Stef explained. "I just needed to understand for myself."

"But why not tell her?" Callie asked again. She couldn't understand why Stef would put herself through this for years instead of clearing her name.

"I hurt her Callie." Stef said sadly. "Whichever way you look at it, I hurt her and she has a right to be mad."

"No." Callie said, getting overly emotional. She couldn't accept that answer because she couldn't figure out what that meant for her.

"Honey..." Stef tried to reach out for her but Callie interrupted her.

"No." Callie said again, shaking her head and moving out of Stef's reach. "No, you aren't at fault." She said vehemently.

Stef immediately understood what Callie was thinking - if Stef blamed herself, even to a small degree, then Callie was at fault too.

"It's not the same Callie." Stef said firmly, suddenly torn between her true feelings and what she'd always told her daughter.

"How?" Callie asked. "How is it not the same?"

"Baby, you were a child in a house with people who were supposed to protect you." Stef explained. "You were put there and they were your guardians. I may not have chosen to have sex with someone and cheat on my wife but I did choose to walk off and get so drunk that I missed the drugging."

"But it's still rape." Callie said in a small voice, desperate to redeem them both.

"Yes, it's still rape." Stef agreed. She didn't for one second believe that she'd asked for it or that it was okay since she was drunk but like she'd told Callie - she wasn't looking for an excuse and she'd hurt Lena and she owed it to Lena to let her vent.

"She blames you." Callie said miserably. Over the years they had heard Lena's comments. It was something Lena had never fully forgiven and occasionally, when the arguments got really bad, she'd bring it up again, making Stef succumb by a stinging reminder of what she'd done.

"You know how you tell us that we changed your life?" Stef asked Callie and waited for a nod. "Well Lena changed mine." Stef explained. "I wasn't miserable before I met her but I wasn't entirely happy either - not the way I am now. She helped me become who I was meant to be and for that I owe her my life."

Callie sat and listened intently to what Stef was telling her. She could see the passion and blunt honesty in the woman's face and it hurt her to think of all she'd put herself through just to protect the one she loved.

"I love her more than anything and it kills me that I hurt her like that." Stef continued. "Whether I chose it or not I still hurt her and I'm thankful everyday that she chose to stay."

Callie nodded. She could relate to that to some extent - there were so many things in her life she regretted not being able to change even though they weren't her fault to begin with.

"She could have left." Stef went on. "But she didn't. She stayed for me and for you kids and she has a right to feel hurt at what happened. It's a small price to pay for getting too spend the rest of my life with her despite what happened."

Callie nodded in understanding "I would have done it too." She admitted. "If I could have protected Jude from the truth, let him blame me for having to leave the Olmsted's in exchange for him never having to know, I would have done it too."

Stef smiled sadly, hating the fact that her daughter could relate to any of it. She wished she could have protect Callie from that and everything else she'd suffered in the six years between her mother's death and joining their family.

"So you're never going to tell her?" Callie clarified. "You'll just let her blame you forever."

"If I tell her now she'll blame herself even more." Stef said. "It's been so long and she'll feel guilty for blaming me. Besides, I do blame myself a little. I should never have gotten drunk like that. I should have walked around the grounds for a bit and then gone back and worked out our problems. I regret the decisions I made that day."

* * *

Though Callie had understood Stef's reasoning she found it hard to accept. Stef had always told her that rape was rape and it was _never_ the victim's fault but here Stef was blaming herself, even if it was to a small extent. If there was even the tiniest chance that Stef was at fault then couldn't it be argued that Callie was at fault for enjoying Liam's attention before the incident. She'd liked his friendliness, his generosity and interest in her. She'd never wanted that type of relationship with him but she'd wanted the rest and technically wasn't that the same as Stef wanting to get drunk and forget but not cheat?

At dinner Callie was rather silent and though she tried hard she invariably felt a stray tear make it's way down her cheek. She was having a hard time separating their situations and as a result she was miserable.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Lena asked when she noticed Callie crying silently.

"Nothing." Callie quickly wiped her face and excused herself after eating less than half her food.

"Callie." Lena called out, trying to stop her daughter but Callie disappeared into the living room.

"I'll go." Stef said, getting up to follow her daughter, knowing that Lena would watch them from the kitchen.

She hated what this was doing to their girl and she wished she'd just remembered about the folder before sending Callie there to help out.

* * *

"I'm sorry." Callie said the moment Stef entered the room. She'd known that Stef would come and she felt bad for not being able to control her emotions in front of Lena.

"No, I'm sorry." Stef said. "I should never have put that kind of responsibility on you."

"No, I get it." Callie said. "I just can't believe I'm keeping this kind of secret again."

"You don't have to." Stef said.

Callie looked up at Stef, her eyes puffy and red. "But..." She began.

"But nothing." Stef stopped her. "It's about time I told her the truth." She admitted, knowing that Lena was in the doorway listening.

"You don't have to just because of me." Callie said. "I won't tell."

Stef smiled at Callie. Nether of them could see the kitchen from the way they were sitting but Stef knew that Lena was there.

"You think she'll let me go now?" Stef asked teasingly, extracting a confused frown from Callie.

Stef turned to look at the door and Callie did the same and they were greeted by Lena, a look of confusion on her face.

"What's going on?" Lena asked when her presence was known. "What haven't you told me?"

Stef turned back to Callie. "Why don't you go on up while we talk." She suggested.

Callie slowly climbed the stairs to her room that was still the same as when she'd left it three years ago. She stood there for a moment before turning around and heading right back out. She quietly tiptoed down the stairs and sat on the bottom step listening to her moms.

* * *

 **Author's Note** :

Okay so I know this story is a little controversial. I just want everyone to know that I don't ever think it's the victim's fault. This was just for entertainment purposes. I was rereading my story and wondered how Stef would handle things had Callie been the one to find the test.

It's honestly a little scary putting this story out there because I'm sure some of you aren't going to like the fact that Stef blames herself, especially being a mom and a cop. She would always say it isn't the victim's fault but I want to make it clear that she doesn't blame herself for the rape - just the fact that she put herself in a position that hurt Lena. She regrets going and getting drunk instead of working out her problems and she'd rather Lena be mad at her than at herself. She wasn't looking for an excuse and she felt that telling Lena the truth would have been trying to do so.

I hope you like it as a story even if you don't agree with it and I hope no one is offended by it. It's just a story and like I said - I know it's never the victim's fault.

Love

Junebug.


	2. Chapter 2

"What's going on?" Lena asked as she walked further into the room to sit in front of Stef. "What haven't you told me?"

Stef looked away from her wife, nervous to even bring up the topic again. She knew that the moment she even mentioned it, Lena's face would fill with hurt and anger and Stef just couldn't believe she had to put it there once again.

"It's about the aff..." Stef began but choked on the words. But it was enough because Lena immediately straightened her posture and her expression became cold an hard.

"What about it?" Lena asked stiffly. She had no idea what Stef was going to say about it but she imagined it couldn't be good. A plethora of possibilities flashed through her mind - the affair had continued or worse, she was still having an affair. She no longer felt the same way about Lena and now that there were no kids at home Stef was free to leave. She had met someone else and was going to do it the right way this time.

"When I..." Stef began but couldn't even get through the sentence before Lena interrupted.

"Screwed someone else?" Lena interrupted bitterly. The flashes she was having did nothing to ease her mind and she just had to snap at Stef. If Stef was going to hurt her further then this time she wasn't going to cry - this time she'd be strong and if Stef wanted out then Lena was better off without her - at least she liked to think so.

Stef sighed and looked away. She couldn't believe this was happening. Each comment, each stab that Lena had taken at Stef over the years stung immensely but Stef had taken it, she'd believed she deserved it and now, having to tell Lena the truth made her feel like she was looking for an excuse.

When Stef looked back at Lena she could still see the fire in her eyes; the ridged posture - ready to fight, the bitter words just waiting to be thrown at Stef. But Stef knew Lena so well that behind all that she saw the fear and sadness that Lena was trying so desperately to hide.

Stef couldn't bare to say the words, not with the look that Lena was giving her so instead she reached into her back pocket and dug out the test result and handed it to her wife, waiting as she watched Lena scan over the sheet and then study it more closely.

"What is this?" Lena asked as she looked back up at Stef. "What does this mean?"

"I was drugged." Stef answered, an eerie lack of emotion in her voice.

"And this..." Lena wasn't quite sure what her question even was.

"I had a test done." Stef explained. "Those are the results and one of them came back positive."

Lena looked back down at the paper as if it was going to tell her how to react or what to say. She couldn't grasp what was happening. Her wife was drugged and then had an affair - only it wasn't an affair anymore."

"So you were rap..." Lena looked back up at Stef, struggling between falling apart and staying to stay strong. For seven years she'd believed the worst of her wife and never once though it through. Stef had never given her a reason to distrust her and the one time she'd made a mistake Lena hadn't even bothered to try and understand.

Stef didn't need to respond. Lena already knew the answer and was just saying it out loud to help wrap her mind around it.

Every hurtful remark, every stinging comment came flooding back and for the first time Lena saw the hurt in Stef's eyes that she'd turned a blind eye to each time. How could she have done that? Not only had Stef gone through something horrid but she'd had to do it alone. She hadn't ever even tried to explain her side of it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lena asked. She was confused about why Stef wouldn't use what she had to redeem herself.

"I wasn't looking for an excuse Lena." Stef explained. "I just needed to understand how I could have hurt you like that. Eventually something just clicked and I took the test."

"But I never let it go." Lena said miserably, wondering again why Stef wouldn't have just told her the truth.

"You were hurting too." Stef said sadly, still regretting the fact that, even indirectly, she'd hurt Lena. "And believe me, that hurt me more than anything else."

Lena looked away. She'd been hurting Stef all this time and still Stef was looking out for her.

"How does Callie know?" Lena asked, needing to know everything.

"She found the folder." Stef explained. "She asked me about it and it wasn't fair for me to ask her to keep my secret."

"So that's the only reason you told me." Lena stated, hurt. "For Callie's sake."

Stef didn't respond because it was the truth. Had Callie not found that folder then Stef would have taken this to the grave.

"I'll talk to the kids too." Stef finally said. "Then she doesn't have to worry at all. She can let it go."

"What about you?" Lena asked. "Why didn't you just tell me so that I wouldn't be mad at you."

"You had every right to be mad Lena." Stef said. "I was mad at me and I expected nothing different from you."

"But all these years I..." But Lena found it hard to finish because the word that came to mind was 'torture'."

"Please don't." Stef stopped her from even thinking it.

"No, I should never have said those things." Lena admitted guiltily.

"Honey, I never told you and I never expected you to just know. It took me a few weeks to even think about drug testing." Stef said.

Lena nodded slightly - how could she have known if Stef had never told her. She'd seen Stef and that other woman herself so that was all she could believe.

"So what happened?" Lena asked, wanting to know the whole story.

Stef told her whatever she knew about Andrea and the drugs and the girl in the alley that had finally prompted Stef to have the tests done. She told her about how the first test came back negative, making her feel even guiltier that she really had no explanation as to why she'd hurt her wife and then how she'd been asked to give a hair sample and that finally gave her the answers she was looking for.

"What happened to her?" Lena asked once Stef had told her everything.

"She's in jail." Stef said. "She got twenty years with no parol

"Didn't you have to testify?" Lena asked, wondering how they did all this without her even suspecting. But then she realized the answer - for so long Lena had basically ignored Stef. They'd done what needed to be done for the kids and the house but there was nothing personal between them until the accident where Lena lost the baby.

"I had to go to court." Stef told her. "I had to testify but she'd already admitted so it was a quick trial."

"Still, you did it alone." Lena said, feeling sorry for Stef having to do it without her.

"We were already so disconnected and you were so angry, I just didn't want you to feel like I was looking for an excuse." Stef answered honestly. "This was something I had to deal with = you had to take things easy with... Frankie." She'd said after a beat, thinking of the baby they'd lost when Lena slipped and fell down the stairs.

"God, all the things I said to you." Lena said, thinking back.

"Lena, honey, believe me all I wanted was you." Stef said honestly.

"But it must have hurt." Lena said regretfully. "You were going through something huge and you didn't even feel like you could tell me."

"That's not how it was Lena." Stef stopped her. She didn't want Lena to feel like she couldn't tell her. "I didn't want to tell you because I didn't think I deserved your forgiveness. You had a right to be angry and take it out on me because I should never have left that night. No, I didn't ask to be drugged or have sex with someone else but I was the one that decided to walk away instead of dealing with our issues."

"I wouldn't have forgiven you Stef." Lena said. "I wouldn't have forgiven you because there was nothing to forgive. I would never have blamed you. I would have been there. I would have been there for you the way you were there for me when I lost Franke, if only you'd let me be." Tears slowly made their way down Lena's cheeks. She was hurt and upset that Stef hadn't ever told her about all this and obviously never planned to.

"I'm sorry." Stef said as she too began to tear up. "I thought I was protecting you." She walked over to Lena and sat beside her, taking her hand and holding on tight, each one seeking comfort from the other.

"It must have hurt." Lena said again. "Every time I reminded you of it?"

Stef nodded slightly. It had hurt but not for the reasons that Lena was thinking - it wasn't the reminder rape that hurt Stef but the fact that Lena was still hurting each time she brought it up.

"I'm sorry." Lena said softly.

"Me too." Stef said. This time she didn't try to make Lena stop. This time she just accepted the apology because she knew that Lena needed to say it just like she did too. "For all these years." She added.

"For all these years." Lena repeated.

"When you forgave me..." Stef said, not even needed to continue because she knew that Lena would understand just how much it meant to her.

"I never fully forgave you." Lena admitted honestly.

"But you never left." Stef said.

"I loved you too much." Lena answered.

Stef smiled. That was all she needed. She didn't need to be forgiven completely because she didn't completely forgive herself and she'd known the truth all along.

"I love you still." Stef said, pulling gently on the hand that she was holding.

"Me too." Lena said as she leaned in and the two kissed tenderly, tears mixing but hearts finally mending.

The two held each other for quite a while, both desperate to show the other how sorry they were. There was so many years to make up for and though Stef had tried to protect Lena she couldn't help but feel a huge weight being lifted off her shoulders and she had Callie to thank for that.

* * *

And it was that thought that caused Stef to release her hold on Lena and pull away slightly.

"You chance back Callie." Stef said rather softly, knowing that Callie was there in a way that only Stef could.

Callie slowly made an appearance - the nervousness that Stef had seen in her face just that afternoon gone. Callie once again knew that her family was strong and nothing would ever break it.

"Come here you little eavesdropper." Stef teased as she stretched out an arm for her daughter to include her in the hug.

Callie walked over and was soon enveloped by the two women. She was facing Lena with Stef at her back and as their arms wound around her she heard Stef whisper. "Thank you." She said, for the courage that Callie had given her to finally let go of the secret that she'd been carrying for far too long.

Lena smiled at Callie too, understanding what Stef meant. She was thankful too because even if it was long overdue, she was glad she got to be there for her wife in the end.

* * *

 **Author's Note** :

So this didn't turn out exactly like I imagined but I'm happy. After so many years the details aren't as important as the feelings and I think I got that across.

Also, I changed the way that Lena lost the baby because I didn't want it to seem like the stress of all this was the cause - Lena slipped and fell and the baby didn't survive. It was also a good place to have Lena begin to forgive Stef, even to the extent that she did.

I hope you guys enjoyed it. Sorry that updates are taking so long now but my beautiful, beautiful 3 month old lovebug takes up all my time (and my heart).

Thanks for reading and thanks for the reviews. Keep writing :)

Love

Junebug.


End file.
